Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Path: newserv.ksu.ksu.edu!moe.ksu.ksu.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!wupost!uunet!ulowell!cs.ulowell.edu!bkeener From: bkeener@cs.ulowell.edu (Brian E. Keener) Subject: A Mindless Piece of Dribble... Message-ID: Sender: usenet@ulowell.ulowell.edu (News manager - ulowell) Organization: UMass-Lowell Computer Science Date: Mon, 5 Apr 1993 15:48:21 GMT Lines: 95 Scene : The bridge of the old Enterprise. Everyone is at their posts, and Lt. Uhura is doing.... THE COSMIC MANICURE (tm) Copyright 1993 Screwball Prod. All rights reserved. all reserves righted. All Smuckers(tm) Jelly eaten. All opening BS finished. KIRK : Mr. Spock, a reading, please. SPOCK : Certainly, Captain. (produces the "Pocket Guide of Shakespeare", which can be purchased from Starfleet Books Intergalactic, Starbase Alpha.) Ahem. "Friends, Romans, countrymen... lend me your ears." (pauses) Fascinating. What does corn have to do with Romans? SULU : The story is a bit corny, Mr. Spock. SPOCK : Fascinating. (pause) Fascinating. Fascinatining. Fascinating. Fasci- nating. Fasci... KIRK : (alarmed) Oh, no! Spock's stuck again! Uhura, be a good girl and give him a whack? UHURA : (who is doing the... COSMIC MANICURE (tm) Copyright 1993 Screwball Productions All rights reserved) Certainly, sir. (UHURA gets up, walks over to SPOCK and hits him on the back. He stops) SPOCK : Thank you, Lieutenant. I needed that. (a whole bucket of AFTA(tm) after-shave lotion is dumped on his head.) Fascinating. UHURA : No problem, Mr. Spock, sugah. (she returns to her station and continues to work on her... COSMIC MANICURE (tm) Copyright 1993 Screwball Productions, etc...etc...) SCOTTY : Scott calling the Capper. KIRK : Kirk here. Don't call me "the Capper", Scott-a-rama. 'Sup? SCOTTY : De whole injen ruum's fool o' Green Jella! SPOCK : A most curious mix of accents, Mr. Scott. SCOTTY : Oh, stuff it, Mr. Spock. (pause) ...sir. KIRK : (In classic KIRKian style) Scotty, how... did... the Green Jell-o... get in... the... engine room. How... did it happen? SCOTTY : I canna tell ya, I donna know, and I wanna find out. CHEKHOV : It is dirty swine-like Klingon plot, I bet. SPOCK : Fascinating. (pause) Fascinating. Fascinating. Fascinating... KIRK : (rolls eyes) Oh, not again! Uhura...? UHURA : Certainly, Captain Kirk, sugah. (she stops doing her COSMIC MANICURE (tm) Copyright...blah...blah...blah... and whacks SPOCK again. He stops.) SCOTTY : Scott out, Capper. (*fwizzle-weep!*) SULU : Uhura, honey... could you give me a... COSMIC MANICURE (tm) Oh, you've heard all of this before! UHURA : (Who was returning to her station to finish her... COSMIC MANICURE (tm) Are we having fun yet?) Certainy, Sulu, sugah. SULU : Thanks. BE SURE NOT TO MISS OUR NEXT EPISODE, WHERE SCOTTY PACKS IT ON AFTER EATING THE ENGINE ROOM CLEAN (WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM KIRK), AND UHURA GIVES SULU A... COSMIC MANUICURE (tm) Copyright 1993 Screwball Productions All rights reserved. -Edward Sutherland The above manuscript Copyright (c) 1993 by Edward Sutherland. All rights reserved. -- -=-+-=-\ / |---- ----- /\ | /\ /\ /\ /-----------------\ =-+-=-+-=- =-+-=-+|\ /| |___ | / \ | / \/ \ / \ \__ | |___ |___\-+-=-+-=-+ +-=-+-=| \/ | | | /----\ | / \/----\ \ | | | \_ +-=-+-=-+- -=-+-=-| | |---- |/ \|___ \ \__/ | |_____| \-=-+-=-+-=